Former Linebacker Blackmore Injured In Pencil Factory Accident

Blackmore falls in crate full of pencils, will never play football again
By "Mike Michaels"

Pre-Season 2113 (Ypsilanti, Michigan) - Michael Blackmore, who was infamous for being thrown out of Giants training camp when it was revealed he could not lift the bar, was severly injured in an accident at a pencil factory where he was making a living.

The injuries were a crushing blow to Blackmore, who vowed that he would make a comeback to professional football.

'Unfortunately, the extent of his injuries dictate that he will never play again.' Doctor Irwin Early said when asked for comment about the injuries to Blackmore. 'You ever see these cartoon shows where an injured person is in a hospital bed covered from head to toe with bandages, and his foot is propped up. It's exactly like that. We're looking at least six months to a year before he can even begin rehabiliation.'

Blackmore was demoted to factory work when he failed to perform his duties as a pencil salesman.

'He couldn't even lift the crates off the truck when we were looking to do business with the local elementary schools.' his boss, Redmond E. Raser said. 'We lost a lot of business due to that. People thought our pencils were too heavy to be useful.'

Raser was a witness to the accident.

'For some reason he had climbed up to the upper level in our two story factory. He was pretending to do some move from one of those fancy wrestling shows. Maybe he was thinking of becoming a professional wrestler? I don't know. He just leaped and plunged headfirst on top a crate of pencils. I tell you, he was not too bright on top of being an utter weakling.'

Giants GM Joe Malloy could not be reached for comment, as his team is currently in training camp to prepare for the upcoming season. However, an unnamed former teammate of Blackmore simply stated, 'Gee, this doesn't sound like much of an accident to me.'

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