Giants announce unique promotion to get rid of unwated and unsold merchandise
By "Rob Roberts"

Regular Season 2126 (Albany, NY) - In an attempt to attract fans to the week 14 game against the Buffalo Bills, general manager Joe Malloy announced 'George Stone' jersey day.

The disappointing Giants are 2-8 when many thought there was a playoff run in this team, and the beleaguered quarterback is a top reason why. Stone, with his lazy, selfish, uncaring play, has become public enemy #1 in New York.

'We have made a huge investment in Stone.' GM Malloy said, 'and in this economy, a bad investment can kill a lot of people. We have fans, players, coaching staff, merchandise vendors, and front office people upset that our investment has bankrupted us.'

When Stone put up great numbers his rookie season and ran away with the 2123 USAFL Rooke of the Year award, many people thought Stone was going to be the next great quarterback. However, a terrible 2124 campaign led to his benching so he can learn from Keith Flanagan. After the Giants made the playoffs in 2125, the coaching staff felt that Stone learned enough from watching Flanagan lead the team. However, that was a huge mistake. Stone's numbers in 2126 remind may of former Bears quarterback Jonathan Cole.

'It really was a waste of time and effort developing Stone.' Malloy said. 'We really thought we had something after his rookie season, but instead it turns out I wasted a pick when I could have moved up and grabbed one of the defensive linemen in the top 5. When we were regaining the faith of our fans, Stone decided to stink up the joint. Now fans are turning away from our games again.'

With that said, Malloy announced George Stone Jersey day.

'In order to attract the fans that invested their money in Stone merchandise, week 14 against the Bills will be George Stone jersey day. Fans that bring George Stone merchandise to the stadium will receive a 50% off coupon at Modells. Not only that, but we've recalled all George Stone merchandise from our vendors. When fans take their seats, we will have our people passing out Stone jerseys and other merchandise.'

Feeling that the Giants will not beat the Bills in week 14, Malloy announced what the fans will be allowed to do with the merchandise.

'At the risk of forfeiting the game due to our behavior, when Stone turns the ball over, we will allow our fans to throw the Stone merchandise onto the field. I know this will risk a forfeit, and the league offices aren't happy as it is with our little promotion, but it's not like we'll beat the Bills. I'm sure the Bills will encourage this and some of them may even help out with getting rid of this merchandise.'

'When the game is over, we'll collect the merchandise, throw it onto some garbage trucks, and take it to landfills across the state of New Jersey. We'll even throw in Stone himself on one of the trucks, as this will be the last game he will play as a Giant. A very fitting end to a wasted investment, if you ask me.'