Slice n Dice for MVP

The Campaign Starts
By "Gary Gray"

Pre-Season 2127 (Washington, DC) - The first kickoff of the 2127 season is scheduled for 1:00 PM tomorrow. But today, journalists were treated to an improv session led by a jester. Following the final Redskins' preseason practice, a player emerged from the locker room sporting a three pointed fool's cap, jingle-toed green moccasins, white leggin's, and a gold-trimmed red mask.

'Slice n Dice has arrived!' the cornball announced to befuddled reporters. 'I'm gonna make a fool out of all you cornerbacks, all you safeties, and all you poor special teamers!' The jokester proceeded to demonstrate a few never-before-seen clown inspired end zone celebrations. The free samples included a balloon pulled from the player's cleat, which was subsequently inflated and craftily formed into a goal post. After the balloon shenanigan, Mr. Slice n Dice requested a football and began juggling two shoes and a pigskin.

Following the act, the wisecracking buffoon declared that USAFL audiences would enjoy about twenty such performances in end zones around the country by the end of the season. A small pool of reporters present began to ask the obvious questions - 'Who are you? What about celebration fines? No props in the end zone, right?!' but the jester had his fun. He darted down the practice field at superhuman speed and capped the performance with a series of summersaults and cartwheels. Slice n Dice disappeared into the parking lot, but the league expects to see him again tomorrow ... and the next week ... and the next one after that.

Slice n Dice for MVP: 4000 All Purpose Yards, 20 Touchdowns.

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