GM Says Redskins Robbed By Poor Officiating. Calls Own Team Scum Of The Earth
By "Adam Adams"

Playoffs 2134 (Albany, NY) - Moments after the Giants humiliating loss to the Packers in Week 14, GM Joe Malloy held a press conference where he claimed disdain for his own players.

'The veterans we have are so stupid.' Malloy said. 'I was hoping to build on last year's successes, but our team blew chunks from the opening kickoff in Week 1. We're the scum of the earth. I've never been so humiliated to see my own team play in all my life and we've had our fair share of stinkers.'

Malloy had claimed before the season began that he was tired of rebuilding and wanted a nice mix of young stars and veteran help for playoff runs.

What he got barely resembled a pop warner team.

'What can I say? We embarassed the entire league with our play this year. I rebuilt the team for so long for stuff like this? For 6-8? For being outplayed both times by an 0-14 team? I got tired of mediocrity when I wanted success. Things have to change. I didn't want to rebuild but I have to. I gave up so much to bring in veteran help that looked like they never played a single organized sport in their entire lives. The shy girls in gym class who looked like they'd rather be elsewhere could have played better than the garbage that's been in this league for years. Some of these guys won Sundby Cups? They can't even win Reese's peanut butter cups.'

Malloy, continuing his fury towards his underachieving bunch, offered to the league to forfeit the Giants wins against the Redskins.

'The officiating in this league didn't want to see the Redskins win. They outplayed us both times. They KILLED us. The refs were calling unsportsmanlinke conduct penalties against them because they were tired of them pushing us around all game. I don't want to win games because referees feel sorry for overmatched scum of the earth. Yea, I called us that again. We are. We should all crawl into our respective holes and die for what we showed the league this year. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. I hope half this team walks away and never plays another down again.'

Malloy then stormed off the stage. USAFL officials will certainly be investigating Malloy and his outrageous comments during the offseason.