Ralston FPed, No security for week 1 matchup, linebackers lacking, O'Neill done.
By "Alan Allen"

Pre-Season 2145 (Albany, NY) - - Much to the surprise of absolutely no one, the New York Giants gave former #1 overall pick Mitch Ralston a franchise player tag. Ralston's started since day 1 for the Giants and has become a top 3 offensive lineman in the entire league.

'Ralston's unfortunately had to see injustice first hand since coming into this league. Hopefully karma will start working in his favor. He's one of the top offensive linemen in the league but nobody notices.' GM Joe Malloy said following the announcement.

- The Giants will not hire security for the week 1 matchup against the Washington Redskins. Fans are encouraged to bring objects to the game, which they will hopefully chuck at Redskins coaches and players.

The Giants coaching staff has encouraged the Giants to play as dirty as possible, and according to an inside source 'make sure at least three Redskins players leave in an ambulance.'

Regardless of the outcomes of the Giants/Redskins games this season, the Giants have awarded themselves victories in those two games.

- Giants general manager Joe Malloy has commissioned a replica of the 2144 Sundby Cup, and has purchased a ticket to the week 11 game between the Minnesota Vikings and New England Patriots. He will declare the winner the unofficial 2144 Sundby Cup champions. The league will likely not recognize the winner of the game as the 2144 Sundby Cup champs, but Malloy does not recognize the Redskins as the champions.

- The Giants have informed the league offices that they will cool off their position towards the Redskins as soon as a GM is hired to the position. They traded off their picks in the last draft, and stood pat for the most part as far as player acquisition goes because the Giants feel that the Redskins are playing by a different set of rules. While the Giants feel that they cannot compete with the way things are, they were originally planning on a complete rebuild. The insider source said that they planned on fielding a team that would 'make the 2100 Chicago Bears seem superhuman in comparison.'

- While the Giants are pleased with the development of their team, they are not happy with their linebacker corps. They are looking to draft a few linebackers in the next draft, and will be looking through trade blocks to acquire any top LB that will become available. Second year LB Clint McGriff fell flat on his face in training camp after looking promising during camps in his rookie season.

- The Giants acquired Joel Miles this past offseason from Baltimore and have named him the starter, with waiver wire pickup Ethan Barbaro as his backup. Darryl O'Neill has been ruled inactive due to 'mental issues, playing like, and being garbage.' since being signed to a free agent deal a few seasons ago. O'Neill is likely to retire and become one of those guys that are seen on the side of the road dressed in a monkey costume offering income tax services. Chase those dreams, Darryl!