Legendary Bengals QB calls it a career
By "Porsche Lynn Commode"

Off-Season 2254 (Cincinnati) - As there were no takers on the waiver wire, legendary Bengals QB Duncan McKenzie is calling it a career.

Nicknamed Spuds, after the ancient commercial character, for his love of Guinness, McKenzie finishes sixth in Bengals history with 33,629 yards, 205 TDs, and a nearly 61% career completion percentage.

Always popular among Bengals fans, women especially would love to listen to tales of his native Scotland delivered in his trademark brogue.

Speaking of his native Scotland, McKenzie says he plans to go back there, even though the Bengals have reached out to offer him a coaching job.

'Aye, I be goin back to Scootland,' McKenzie said. 'I will take my young wife back home wit me and we'll make some wee bairns.'

The story of McKenzie to Cincinnati was a strange one. He was drafted 5th overall by rival Buffalo in 2241, and was inexplicably cut by the Bills during training camp in 2244. The Bengals picked him up, gave him the starting job, and the rest is history.

Considering at one time, McKenzie was one of the highest paid players in the USAFL, he is not too worried about his future lifestyle.

'I have a wee bit saved in tha Bank of Scootland,' McKenzie told the reporters at his retirement press conference with a wink.

Duncan, you were our favorite Highlander in Cincinnati. There will be only one like you. Your memory will live forever.