Dan The Man in Cincy

Bengals make new acquisition their franchise player
By "Porsche Lynn Commode"

Off-Season 2269 (Cincinnati ) - The Cincinnati Bengals today made their new acquisition, defensive lineman Dan 'The Man' Phillips, their sole franchise player, guaranteeing him $12 million per year for the rest of his career.

'We knew Dan was a unique talent when we scouted him,' Bengals GM and Director of Football Operations 'Trader' Lee Remley said at the press conference announcing the signing. 'We look forward to building around him in the future, and we now don't have to worry about those pesky Raiders signing him in free agency.'

Those in the Cincinnati organization seem to think Phillips is the anchor for the team to build around in their quest to get back to the Sundby Cup. With several young players drafted the past several years in the house and another big draft coming next year, it seems like the team is well on their way to doing that over time.

As for Phillips, he was happy as a clam. In fact, he was going to a seafood restaurant right after the press conference.

'I am extremely happy to be welcomed this way by the Bengals,' Phillips said. 'I was mad I got traded, but my buddy Wilson said to hold on, there were better days ahead. I guess he was right.'

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