Gerbschmidt Resolution Passes

Shareholders vote to oust Thul
By "Jigi Sup"

Playoffs 2271 (Green Bay, WI) - After a Sports Illustrated article written by guest columnist Carl Gerbschmidt was mailed out to all Green Bay Packer shareholders by the newly formed 'Best Ever Employment Response Team In Managerial Efficiency,' the annual shareholders meeting had to be moved from the party room to the community room of the Greater Green Bay Area YMCA.

'I thought we'd have a much greater turnout,' stated protest organizer Carl Gerbschmidt, 'but it turns out most of the letters didn't arrive until after the meeting. Someone had suggested using e-mail, but that seemed like puttin' on airs with all that fancy technology.'

Regardless, the 38 stockholders and the entire janitorial crew of the Green Bay YMCA voted in favor of Mr. Gerbschmidt's resolution to remove Mark Thul from his General Manager position. There was just one problem.

'Well, you see, none of you are really owners' explained Thul to the gathered crowd. 'Plus, you signed me to a continuing contract that can only be terminated by me. That being said, you are right about two things: I don't particularly care for Packer fans, and I did say these are my players. As such, I will find a solution that both satisfies your desires and my aspirations.'

After the shareholder's meeting, Thul offered the following comment. 'I love all the players and workers that have made this organization run so well. It's a testament to their dedication that any success is possible in such a bizarre environment. Wisconsin wants me out, so I'll find the right way to make that happen.'

Gerbschmidt's reaction was a little difficult to judge. 'He makes me so mad. We ARE owners, pal! He doesn't have the right to decide his status. Only the owners can do that! I'm super excited that he says he's going, but can you believe this melon head? Acting like he gets to decide the terms! Only true Packers get to do that, no matter what a legally binding contract says!'

The meeting concluded two hours before the playoff game between Green Bay and Tampa Bay occurred. News of the organizational unrest spread quickly through the locker room.

'Man, this is ugly,' proclaimed veteran quarterback Todd Manning. 'Mark Thul saw something in me, drafted me, and I've started every game under his watch. I am totally loyal to the man, as he has always listened to every player's suggestions and concerns, no matter how small!'

Despite the distraction, the Green Bay Packers were able to pull out a 9-7 win at a snowy Lambeau Field against a tough Tampa Bay squad.

Kicker Rob Knight, also with the team since the beginning of Thul's tenure, scored all the points, carrying on a trend from the regular season where he scored an astonishing 154 points.

'I kicked for Thul tonight,' declared Knight. 'This situation is far from over, but we have his back, just as I have confidence that Thul will take care of us.'

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