Carolina star inked to lifetime pact
By "Jordan Rulz"

Off-Season 2288 (Charlotte) - The Carolina Panthers today named LB Bill Batton their final franchise player, signing him to a lifetime $8 million pact the rest of his career.

Drafted 10th overall in the 2285 draft must to the consternation of folks drafting behind the Panthers, Batton has proved already that he is a future superstar in the league. So putting the franchise designation on him was a no brainer, even for Carolina GM 'Trader' Lee Remley.

'Billy has proved his worth already to the team, and we look forward to his bright future,' GM Remley said in a statement. 'He has definitely become one of the faces of the franchise in a short time.'

The star of local home security commercials, Batton has a good personality with a great sense of humor. But that disappears on the field where he is as serious as all get out.

'Did someone say I had a sense of humor?' Batton asked at the press conference announcing the signing where he showed up with Groucho Marx nose and glasses on his face. 'Seriously, I am proud to be named one of the team's franchise players...and the contract is not bad either!'

With both QB Scott Dorn and LB Bill Batton inked to lifetime pacts, the young core of the team is now locked up and loaded for bear for the foreseeable future.