Draft Day sequel does not star Kevin Costner
By "Ryan Seacrest XVI"

Off-Season 2289 (Philadelphia) - Philadelphia GM Andrew Lewis rang the starting bell this season and the 2289 USAFL draft was underway.

Noticeably absent this time around was USAFL Commissioner Lou Lombardo who said something about California, blondes, and the beach before disappearing. Rumors that a little old lady from Pasadena was calling in his picks could not be substantiated.

Many thought that in the absence of the commissioner, the draft moderator went too far with the day's festivities, starting the day with a military style parade with cheerleaders, a battalion of tackling dummies pushed down the streets of Philly, roaming team mascots, and footballs fired into the crowd by automated football launchers. Rumors that some girl named Marsha had her nose broken by one of those footballs were just crazy, however. Besides, that was a Brady Bunch episode in the olden days of 2D video.

The star of this year's draft was none other than San Francisco's own Dan Kimball, who showed that he knew how to run a draft by parlaying his picks into a nice group of young talent that we expect to hear from in the future.

GM Kimball was so successful, in fact, that a daring hacker hacked the league's website and put his name as the GM of the Green Bay Packers. Needless to say, their GM Jeff Muszynski was not amused. Packers super fan Carl Gerbschmidt, who again crashed the draft party, denied responsibility, claiming his trailer down by the river doesn't even get UHF.

Baltimore's Mark Thul decided to trade his picks and sit out the draft this season after accidentally emailing his draft analysis and selection order to the entire league rather than to his lovely assistant. Many fellow GMs took that analysis to heart and ran with it as we saw from some of their picks as Thul looked on from the gallery and commented on the draft alongside long time draft guru Todd Kiper.

Also missing was Pittsburgh's Jay Petty, who apparently did not have enough petty cash for the trip to Philly after a break in at team headquarters and his cabbie left him somewhere outside Harrisburg.

The final absent stranger from the draft room was Houston's Patrick Sicher, who happened to be in Italy and was calling in his picks. He almost blew his draft when the pasta dish he was ordering at the same time had the same name as the last name of the 364th ranked offensive lineman on the draft board. Even after hearing several GMs say 'seriously?' and him responding 'yeah, it's good', it took a while to get things set straight.

Not even the exploits of New York Giants GM Addam 'The Human Rain Delay' Brown could dampen the festivities when the draft slowed down at the end of each round. It just gave the GMs a chance to order out for some spicy Asian food from Thai Won On down the street, complete with a full bar, of course. (Editor's Note: Not suggesting that any of these GMs draft and drink at the same time. Perish the thought.)

All in all, it was another exciting draft night for the USAFL.

Next year's draft will be in Honolulu, for no other reason than the GMs just want to hang out there and Kansas City GM Steve Harrison always wanted to dance with hula girls.