BREAKING NEWS: Panthers announce move to Cincinnati

City of Charlotte refuses new stadium demand for years, necessitating move
By "Aki Kurikawa"

Off-Season 2340 (Charlotte) - The Carolina Panthers today announced that they will move to Cincinnati for the 2340 season and will be renamed the Cincinnati Bengals.

The city of Charlotte had refused the Panthers request for a new stadium for several years. After negotiations completely broke down, the team started looking elsewhere.

The new Bengals will enjoy a new state of the art stadium with a holographic scoreboard, among other features.

'It is with great sadness that we leave our great fans of the Carolina Panthers here in the Carolinas,' GM 'Trader' Lee Remley said in a statement. 'But we are excited to begin again in the great city of Cincinnati and bring excitement to football fans there.'

Fans in the Carolinas were devastated and are blaming local leaders.

'The old stadium was a cesspool compared to the newer ones,' one fan said. 'What did the city think would happen?'

It has been a pleasure reporting for the Carolina Panthers over the years. At least we have our memories of some great seasons to fall back on.