Barnwell Team NOT Rebuilding

By "Chack Dackley"

Off-Season 2079 (BETHESDA) - In a surprise move this week, Bill Barnwell discovered that his Washington Redskins were not, in fact, rebuilding with younger players.

Barnwell's tradition of perpetual rebuilding goes back nearly 40 years in USAFL history, as after two winning seasons followed his 2041 Super Bowl victory managing the Denver Broncos, the Broncos proceeded to suffer a string of losing seasons under Barnwell's stewardship. After he resigned, he took a thirty season hiatus, returning in 2073 to manage a woeful Washington team that only got worse; his string of three successive 0-14 seasons are unmatched in USAFL history. The Redskins' 7-7 season last year was Barnwell's first winning one in, shockingly, 35 whole seasons.

While many would have expected Barnwell to follow this moderate success by trading away his veterans for picks and starting over again, Barnwell instead spent his offseason acquiring veteran players, including star Green Bay defensive lineman Eugene Baldinger. Said Barnwell, 'I...I got to offseason workouts and there were all these guys who knew what they were doing!'

Barnwell did express some disappointment, though. 'In anticipation of missing several drafts, we built a brand-new, 45,000 square foot facility for the eleven punters and kickers we expected to have on our roster each year. Sadly, with only three kicking specialists on the roster this year, we will be forced to share that space with DC United.'

Vegas still expects the Redskins to go 4-12, followed by Barnwell's immediate announcement of rebuilding.

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