Blackmore Personally Ejected From Training Camp by Giants General Manager

Malloy rips into player for somehow finding his way onto a football field
By "Ed Edwards"

Pre-Season 2112 (Albany, NY) - 'He can't even bench press the bar?'

Those words from Giants general manager Joe Malloy echoed throughout the Giants training camp when he found out that waiver wire linebacker pickup Michael Blackmore was unable to bench press a bare bar. Malloy quickly ran into the weight room, and did 10 reps on the bare bar.

He then bellowed for Blackmore to get out of training camp and not return, then personally dragged him from the camp and dumped him off of the property when Blackmore protested.

'I knew Blackmore was trouble when he refused to do reps at the combine.' an unidentified scout for an unidentified team stated when he heard about the situation. 'That really scared a lot of teams and he fell to the waiver wire pool. He had good speed and acceleration, so someone was probably going to take a flier on him. Thank God we didn't. Even players that we scout with very low strength are able to do a couple of reps of over 200 pounds.'

After meeting with reporters to explain the situation involving the former NCAA Div-III Hiram College linebacker, Malloy stated at a press conference that he was confused about how a player with absolutely no strength made it onto a football team.

'There were a lot of red flags with this guy. I should have known before wasting a waiver wire pick on this guy that Hiram College did not win a game in his four years there and set records for defensive futility. I should have known that they lost four games last season by over 120 points. I should have known that in one game he was dragged into the end zone 50 yards six times by a guy that was 5'7' and 150 lbs soaking wet. I really feel dumb for this pick. He didn't even do any reps at the combine, because he was scared. A cubicle jockey could at least bench press the bar 10 times. I don't even know how he found his way onto a football field. He's a disgrace to football, and I apologize to the team, and the league, for even taking a risk on this guy. I take full responsibility for harming the integrity of the game itself by drafting a guy that cannot bench press 45 pounds.'

We could not get any comment from Michael Blackmore, but a family representative said he was going to return to his job as a pencil salesman.

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