Fun lovin' hippie throwback kicker is shown the door
By "Associated Press"

Off-Season 2080 (Chicago) - Within minutes of the Chicago Bears' arrival at the brand new O'Hare International Airport, Super Bowl MVP David Sprague was informed that his team had just waived him. Sprague, who throughout his rookie year had become a thorn in the side of the Bears' front office after numerous team infractions and showing up at practices with hangovers, was surprisingly jovial about the quick release. 'Hey man, it's cool,' responded the relaxed Sprague, 'the world's too big for anger, man. I'm just here for love and having fun.'

Sprague's total lack of discipline is not what the Bears had in mind when they sign him as a rookie walk-on from the University of Hawaii. 'We pride ourselves on playing smash-mouth, hard-nosed, disciplined Chicago Bears' football,' proclaimed the young Bears' GM, Brad Houska, at a mid-morning press gathering at the Chicago mayor's office. Houska was honored with the key to the city by Mayor Bill Richard Daley, great grandson of the city's most famous mayor, Richard Daley.

Houska had no comment when asked about the Bears' fanbase that has come to adore the kid from Hawaii.

'Yeah we were screaming for his head during the regular season,' said a longtime Bears' season ticket holder, 'but this kid showed us something during the playoffs. He's got real heart.'

There are rumors that Sprague's superhero-like feats in the post-season were due large in part to his alleged drug use.

'The body can do amazing things when in a total relaxed state,' reports Jude Snidely, Professor of Clinical Physchology of the University of Illinois. 'If in fact Mr. Sprague was under the influence of large doses of a weed based schedule one non-narcotic like marijuana, the brain could find itself so relaxed that the body will not respond to outside pressures.'

Sprague is now in route to his hometown of Lanai City, on the island of Lanai in Hawaii. Sprague's agent offered no comments in referrence to the drug allegations.