Eagles front office signs two Franchise Players
By "Lyle Anderton"

Pre-Season 2129 (South Philadelphia) - After twenty-one seasons without a Franchise Player on their roster, the Philadelphia Eagles held a press conference earlier this afternoon to announce that they've signed two players to long-term FP contracts. University of Georgia standout Lee Mitchell (3yr OT) signed an FP3 deal reportedly worth $88 million. Defensive leader Don Jackson (5yr DT) signed an FP5 deal worth $96 million.

'We've seen some great improvement with all of our players,' said Art Smelt, new director of player personnel for the Eagles, 'and management wanted to pull-the-trigger and lock-in these two great players as a sign of this team's desire to make it back to championship contention.'

'This deal is a sign of the our new 'pushing the envelope' attitude. We're repurposing our resources to integrate these new strategies in the run up to the regular season.'

'With lessons learned from recent initiatives prevailing around the league, the Philadelphia Eagles are transitioning toward a mission-critical 'Win-Win-Win' concept,' continued Smelt as he walked the local press through a graphic-intensive presentation.

'We've already identified on the radar screen the key free agents in the upcoming seasons and we'll be proactive and heavily engaged in future player markets.'

'Our hope is that our fan base see this 'customer-centric' refocus and take a 'sense check' and realize that this is a new Philadelphia Eagles.'

'We look forward to seeing all the fans out at the ballpark to watch our Birds take their first steps toward the Sundby Cup.'

Art Smelt is a new hire for the Eagles front office. He comes from a PR firm in New York City, New York.