Ravens AGM Committed

Ties Cut With Hanlon
By "Tru Dat"

Off-Season 2153 (Baltimore, MD) - 'He wasn't saying much, but when he did talk, it was clear he was suffering from delusions of grandeur,' stated a source within the Ravens front office who requested anonymity.

'It's a tragic situation, really. I did my best to help this man understand what the job entails, but he almost always failed to respond,' stated GM Mark Thul. 'In fact, his last communication to me was over three weeks ago, even though I've continued to send missives. Only in the past few days has he made himself even noticeable.'

The word noticeable would apparently be an understatement for the last 24 hours, as Hanley reportedly stripped down to his boxers, ran around Thul's desk, and proclaimed, 'I'm the football king, and while I like playing, it really is beneath me to even try! You present no challenge!'

This was followed by a forty-five minute interpretative dance using cheeze-whiz and mustard that was only interrupted as the medical personnel finally showed up to escort him away.

As Hanlon was being pulled into the Mount Wilson State Hospital, he responded to a request for a statement. 'In retrospect, I could teach him...but that league is way too bizarre for me,' stated Hanlon as he tried to lick his own elbow. 'I know I've never been a part of a long-standing system such as that, but given my extensive track-record, I think they should be naming their Championship Award after me.'

It was later revealed that Hanlon had, indeed, falsified his resume. His most notable accomplishment to date was assistant manager at a Burlington Coat Factory which sadly burned to the ground after Jimmy celebrated a sale with his famous 'flaming-money' victory dance.

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