Rumors of addition to front office in Carolina abound
By "Bucky Katz"

Off-Season 2155 (Charlotte) - This reporter has been attempting to track down rumors that the cryogenically frozen head of legendary 21st century head coach Bill Cowher is now advising the Carolina Panthers front office staff, but so far to no avail.

Long rumored to be hidden in a secret underground laboratory beneath the ancient streets of Tokyo, rumor has it that the cryogenically frozen head of the famed coach has been now finally unearthed to help lead the Panthers to glory.

Reporters were anxious to verify the rumors at the team's weekly press conference as training camp was winding down.

'Are you people *censored* insane?' was the terse response from Carolina Panthers team spokesperson Kaori Sato when reporters brought the subject up. 'Believe me, there is no such thing as a secret underground laboratory beneath Tokyo. Repeat after me, there is no such thing as a secret underground laboratory beneath Tokyo.'

Things got a bit hazy after that. But this reporter can assure you there is no such thing as a secret underground laboratory underneath the streets of Tokyo.

This reporter was there last night as training camp broke for the Panthers and they prepared for the new season.

'Don't mistake me for a football, idiot!' a gruff voice called out, obviously chastising one of the many rookies in camp.

No one was standing there.

Must have been my imagination.