GM Demands All 53 Players Retire In Bombshell
By "John Jones"

Playoffs 2081 (Albany, NY) - Fueled by rumors during the season that every player on the Giants wanted General Manager Joe Malloy, along with the rest of the coaching staff to step down, GM Malloy decided to respond.

'Yes, the rumors were true, and they were confirmed by several league sources.' GM Malloy said in a statement to the league. 'I have a better idea, how about I demand the players on this team to go home and retire before the hammer's dropped?'

'Did this team tank this season? I think they did. They don't want to win at all. How else can this team lose to a bunch of 'unemployable losers' like the Dallas Cowboys? Hell, those 'losers' completely and utterly destroyed us, even on the opening coin toss. Looks like I have the 'unemployable losers'. I can't forgive this team for what they did.'

Continuing to fuel the flames, Malloy dropped this bombshell: 'I want the league to look into this team throwing games, heck, I'm hearing rumors that there was gambling going on to see how badly this team can lose. I really want the league and the players association to look into my team's conduct this season. There's no way this should happen unless there's either money involved or some sort of conspiracy. This really is disgraceful, and to the rest of the league and the players, except for a select few, I really apologize.'

Giants players and league officials had no comment following Malloy's comment. However, one former Giants player stated 'These players quit, or gambled? No (BLEEP), I could've told everyone that when I was let go.'. One Giants coach stated, 'Looks like Malloy already dropped the hammer.'