New Dolphins GM Accused of Age Discrimination
By "Skip Jackson"

Off-Season 2172 (Davie, FL) - Randy Smith is not a fan of new Dolphins GM Mike Piper. 'I think he should be ashamed of himself!' said Mr. Smith, standing outside the Miami Dolphins Training Facility in Davie, FL. 'This new GM has no respect for the players at all. He just sees the dollar signs and forgets about the men who battle it out on the field every day. You can't just come waltzing in here get rid of all the veterans. Those guys deserve to be treated better than that!' The crowd of two dozen or so behind him cheers loudly.

Inside the building, Mike Piper sits behind a large desk in a large office overlooking the very same entrance where the crowd of upset fans has gathered. 'I agree with Mr. Smith's notion that players are not just commodities, but I will have to disagree with his assertion that I do not respect them as individuals. My respect for these men, and my respect for the Miami Dolphin organization, is precisely why I sent the memo in the first place.'

The reason for all this hubbub is a memo that was sent from Mr. Piper's office to all other GM's in the USAFL. It was essentially a shopping list of players that the new GM was offering up to the highest bidders. While not all that unusual in its own right, the fact that the list consisted of essentially every player on the team with more than seven years of league experience has raised a few eyebrows. In fact some, like Randy Smith, claim it is outright age discrimination.

'It's a ridiculous suggestion. I'm trying to run a football team. That's it.' said Piper. 'There is no hidden agenda and certainly no crusade against our more chronologically gifted players. The truth of the matter is that this team is going to lose a lot of games over the next few seasons, and I felt that some of our players deserved an opportunity to play for a contender. If we can get something in return that will help the club, so much the better. But if Vincent Biggs or Bryn Bearde or any of the other guys wants to finish his career a Dolphin, we are more than happy to accommodate them...so long as they continue to play at the level we require them to. All I want is for us to be competing for the Sundby Cup again.'

In fact, the reason Randy Smith is at Dolphin headquarters today is because of the respect Mike is trying to demonstrate for Miami players, particularly the old ones. You see, Randy Smith is the son of Raphael Smith...the starting halfback for Miami's last Sundby Cup winning team in 2109. The new GM has planned a series of events for the upcoming season, honoring each of Miami's four championship teams, as well as celebrating the great players from throughout the team's history. (Current franchise player Vincent Biggs, for example, will have his bobble head likeness given out to the first 10,000 fans at Miami's home opener against Houston...whether or not he's still with the team.)

'I respect our players...all of them. Former players, current players, rookies and 10-year vets. But what people have to remember is that my job is to bring home the Sundby Cup. That will require a few changes, and not everyone will like them. In the end though, we all want the same thing. Start winning championships and people tend to be a lot more agreeable.'

So does Mike Piper hate old people? We may never know. But what we do know is that he will do his best to make Miami a competitive football team again...even if it means he has to offend a few old-timers in the process.