State GDP Down 79% in Week Following Sundby Victory
By "Mal Tlicker"

Off-Season 2263 (Elk Mound, WI) - Wisconsin is apparently still reeling from the Green Bay Packers 13-0 Sundby Cup victory over Buffalo. Reports from hospitals and health services in the state report that incidents of alcohol poisoning are up 1,457%. Considering that on a typical week, Wisconsin leads the nation in alcohol poisoning, the current trend is troubling.

'We typically see a spike in alcohol related incidents when the Packers season ends,' stated emergency room physician Francis 'Chuga-lug' Leinenkuegel. 'But this epidemic reached historic levels.'

In fact, there were thousands of cases of alcohol-induced comas. Packer super-fan Carl Gerbschmidt woke up a full week after the Sundby Victory.

'It was a glorious week,' groaned Gerbschmidt, as he cracked open a Milwaukee's Best. 'The euphoria of a Packers championship is the best; I just wish it could have lasted five more days so I could set a new personal best. That's what real champions do.'

Businesses, however, have been suffering. Productivity was down statewide due to massive absences and employees working while intoxicated. Taco Bell and Das Weinerschnitzel were a few showing an uptick in sales, both over a whopping 900%.