Patriots Remind New England They Exist

Bumbling Front Office Finds Franchise Stamp
By "Staff"

Off-Season 2289 (Foxborough, MA) - The New England Patriots stunned local media outlets Tuesday by making a rare public announcement. The team's beleaguered front office, last considered successful after an unlikely and ill-fated championship run a decade ago, has remained nearly silent during its most recent struggles- having posted only 11 wins over the last 5 years.

In signing rising star offensive lineman Kirk Jackson to a franchise contract, team officials seem eager to spark a recently dormant and disillusioned fanbase.