Panthers latest rebuild riles fans and critics alike
By "Jordan Rulz"

Off-Season 2290 (Charlotte) - The Carolina Panthers are rebuilding, in case you've been hiding under the third rock from the sun lately.

Panthers fans are up in arms as usual, despite the fact that management is taking the long term view. There are the usual petitions that GM 'Trader' Lee Remley be replaced by Skippy the Wonder Dog or whoever else you might want to name. But Remley has been around long enough not to let that bother him.

'I've heard from critics for a long time,' Remley said when asked about it. 'I've been called every name in the book and they have made up a few more for me besides. If I let that bother me, I wouldn't have lasted as long as I have in this job.'

Star offensive linemen Sebastian Belcher and Gary Henderson were the biggest names to get their ticket on a bullet train out of town, along with kicker Mark Garlington, defensive lineman David Fullington and cornerback Robert Hill. In addition, Carolina has made it known they are open for business on other vets as well.

The fans, however, are obviously not pleased, despite the fact the Panthers have ten picks in Monday's draft and seven more next season.

'I am paying good credits for this crap?' one in blue and black face paint with silver whiskers growled, claws obviously showing. 'We don't have to take this. That guy has to go.'

Charlotte City Council passed a resolution condemning their team's General Manager for 'breaking up our good team' after being urged to by an obviously partisan mayor Bubba Baker.

Remley took it all in good humor, however.

'At least Carl Gerbschmidt hasn't shown up here yet,' he joked to the press in his daily briefing.