Birds' New Signees Bring Strife To Philly

Three Starters Retire After Recent FA Acquisitions
By "Chubb Brightly"

Playoffs 2292 (Chicago, IL) - After losing to the Chicago Bears, 29-17, to finish the season at 4-10, former starting WRs Mike Belk and George Williams along with former starting TEs Caesar Holloway and James Smith all submitted their official retirement papers to GM Andrew Lewis, stating that the recent signings of WR John White and TE Joey Gant (both of whom were immediately made starters) broke down the team's chemistry in the locker room.

'I am saddened that events played out in this manner, 'said a despondent Lewis after seeing his recent crop of rookies produce a four win season, 'but if these players cannot put aside these petty issues and put the team first, then I guess it is time we part ways.'

There is no word yet if any of the recently retired players have been contacted to play for other teams.