Break out the flapjacks

Panthers new acquisitions show a dedication to power running game
By "Aki Kurikawa"

Off-Season 2318 (Charlotte) - It was appropriate the Carolina Panthers held the press conference at IHOP, the Interstellar House of Pancakes.

Two of their new acquisitions, T Dennis Miller and TE Jordan Hollis, can pancake the competition.

The Panthers showed a willingness to help veteran HB Jay White, who many say did not really need help given his career statistics, as well as help keep young QB Mark Walls upright.

But GM 'Trader' Lee Remley did not stop there. He helped the defense as well.

He got a shutdown corner off Minnesota in the Miller trade as well, getting CB Elston Neely in the prime of his career just like Miller. They also chose DT Ken Welch, arguably the best lineman in the draft, by trading up to #2, to add to an already good defensive line group. The fact that Welch is a local product from a college in the Charlotte suburbs, playing for the University of Kannapolis Fighting Shih Tzus, just added to the fans' excitement.

'We gave up a lot of future assets, but we got four very fine players who will help us going forward,' Remley said as the press corps devoured pancakes, which were quite good. 'I think Panthers fans will be excited to see these new players on the field.'

Early indications are that they are, as Miller and Neely Panthers jerseys are flying off the shelves. The question is, will this finally get this franchise back over the top? Only time will tell.