Bills' Bain Brings Back The Bacon

DL Josh Bain inks FP3 contract
By "Allen Wilson V"

Pre-Season 2321 (Orchard Park, NY) - The Buffalo Bills announced they have signed DL Josh Bain to an FP3 contract paying him $6mil annually for the rest of his career. Bain, a 2318 1st round pick and not to be confused with reigning MVP Ray Bains, trudged up to the podium, huffing and puffing the whole way. When asked about his conditioning, Bain said his endurance is pretty low. Apparently that didn't concern GM Mark Ricotta. 'It was only an extra $2mil per year and look at his other skills. No brainer.' Ricotta had no comment when Bain dropped the microphone after apparently not being able to hold onto it with his very small hands. 'They're freakishly small' commented one reporter.