City of Cincinnati balking on need for new stadium
By "Porsche Lynn Commode"

Off-Season 2270 (Cincinnati) - Simply put, the Bengals want a new stadium.

The fans tend to agree.

'Kevin Jones Stadium is so old that they still have Wi-Fi,' one fan said.

The City of Cincinnati, however, does not see it that way.

'Our taxpayers do not need to be funding a new facility for the football team,' Cincinnati mayor Kwai Chang Chung said in a statement after being introduced by his walkup music from the 80s.

Of course, the Bengals organization doesn't see it that way.

'With all due respect to Mayor Chung, our fans deserve better than a crumbling facility,' Bengals GM 'Trader' Lee Remley responded. 'Our legend Kevin Jones is ashamed to have his name associated to such a place now.'

The question of a new facility is not new. It has lingered over the franchise for years. But the city has been avoiding the subject all this time.

'The stadium is fine,' Chang always says. 'There are places in China that have withstood 6000 years. This place has only been around a fraction of that.

'I would hate to think we would have to pursue other options after all these years,' Remley said.