Young superstar running back gets a lifetime deal
By "Porsche Lynn Commode"

Off-Season 2271 (Cincinnati) - The Cincinnati Bengals today named running back James White as their newest franchise player, guaranteeing him $8 million per year for the rest of his career.

White has shown immense talent early in his career, and has shown he is the type of player the team wants to build around.

Bengals Director of Football Operations and Head Honcho 'Trader' Lee Remley has had White starting from day one, and looks forward to seeing him in his team's uniform for many more years.

'James is the hardest working player in the USAFL right now, both on the field and off,' Remley said. 'We are proud to have him on our team for the rest of his career.'

Bengals super fan and former Cincinnati City Councilman Heza Twit probably summed it up best.

'We got the White one, baby, uh huh!' Twit commented after downing a Hudepohl or twenty.